Understanding and Managing Hostile Aggressive Outside Phone Calls in Your Job

by Terry Sheridan

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How often does this happen to us? The phone rings on your desk and you have to listen to a torrent of abusive aggression. You may be a customer service officer or a senior manager, it does not matter the rank as the outside caller does not care. The entire call is about immediate action to satisfy them. However the demands are unreasonable, unrealistic or just plain silly but notwithstanding you have to listen to the hostility, the swearing and cussing until they end their rant, and then you can get back to business, but you feel rattled for the rest of the working day. These abusive calls upset many people in the workplace, and no wonder why, not all of us share their view of a competitive world that dog eats dog. This article looks at the reasons that these people do what they do in order to get their own way and what you can do to deal with them.

Abuse of power

The heart of the problem is that the callers are trying to use power over you and they do it in different ways. In a previous article I have outlined five different types of people see: 'How to deal with an abusive internal workplace phone call' for more detail. These are the Gatekeeper, who will stop some form of access for you or outside privileges if you do not agree with their demands. Then there is the Borrower, who likes to attach him or herself to the higher echelons of management, or the owner(s) to have power over you. If you do not comply the insinuation is that they will get that particular person to fire you. The Bouncer operates directly within the power to fire you, so rather than being the bosses' daughter, this is the boss him/herself. The Experts base their power on their competence and they think that that they are right due to the enhanced respect that comes with their expertise. Finally the Slave Driver use their power of performance management they are unable to request actions from you they demand it and the directive is immediate.

Their tactics

These five types all use the following tactics: they make gross demands and they do it very insistently. As soon as you feel belittled by someone on the phone you are sensing that they are using power over you, and you are right, this is abusive and disrespectful. They deliberately use aggression in the phone call to dis-empower you, to ambush you into agreeing to their demands. And of course, it is all about their needs. They are just like little children stamping their feet to get the action that they want from their parents or carers. Unfortunately those power figures in their early childhood gave in to the temper tantrums and it remains a pattern through their lives.

Understanding the misuse of the caller's power and why this happens allows you to confidently take the following four steps to deal with this problem.

Step 1. Keeping calm means keeping control of the caller

You can deliberately slow down your breathing, so that you draw at least 3 long deep breaths. This concentrates your mind on your own physical reaction and allows other thoughts than the aggressor's into your brain. Relieving your own stress is paramount at this point as you do not wish to lose control. It is a good thing to try and delay any response until you have heard the whole tirade - as difficult as it might be. Do not listen to the hostility. Do not personalise it against yourself or the company, this is a little child screaming to gain your submission. Just listen to what this person with a 'conflict disability' is trying to say. If you feel your stomach tightening, fear is gripping you. Do not say anything and take 3 more breaths.

Step 2. Showing fear fuels the aggression

What the aggressor is trying to do is to get you into a fearful state. If you show fear with a voice tremor or cannot think straight, it is feeding into his or her demands. This is their objective, as they know fear means their hostility is working. A good way round this is to make an excuse to call back later. This allows you time to calm yourself. Not showing fear defuses the situation. It takes the mud out of the mudfight.

Step 3. Find out exactly what the caller wants.

This is important as often a caller gets wound up with his or her own antagonism. Use your own words and check if it is right. For a few seconds the caller has to use his or her brain for a few seconds. If they twist your words against you, don't let them off the hook, keep on trying to get to what they want. You will run the risk of the call ending in exasperation, but it you have won if you are able to prise this piece of information out of them. Fear can contaminate your own thinking and therefore you can very easily misunderstand what that person wanted of you and that makes it worse.

Step 4. Send the callers request back in writing.

After the phone call has finished, send an email or letter to the caller laying out what the caller wants you to do. Say you will follow up his or her request as soon as possible - make sure you do this. The next communication is then from you to the caller outlying what the answer is, whether the person likes it or not. Documentation of the phone call and your response protects you from the caller twisting the facts around to suit their demands. Some people in their jobs are not allowed to contact the clients direct, but document was what was said even in a private notebook and what your response is, and put the date on it. This record will assist you later if there is any fallout weeks or months ahead. Write up customer service records in a neutral tone, do not take this opportunity to write what you think about this person.

If this fails start your job search

One thing these people never do is apologise. So don't expect one. As much as it is humiliating and a shameful act to bear, this is nothing to do with you and this person will be unlikely to change a lifelong habit. Go to your human resource manager or boss and explain what it happening. It is their job to make you feel safe and secure. If this fails repeatedly that you tell them and they do nothing it is time to start your job search in earnest. To protect yourself from these aggressors is the number one priority, but ultimately you should leave your job, otherwise this behaviour may easily turn into targeted bullying against you, (yes you can experience outside bullying) which means you will leave anyway, voluntarily or involuntarily. Bite the bullet and leave when you have a job offer in writing. That is the time, if you get the luxury of the exit interview, to state that the aggressive behaviour is inappropriate in a workplace and is the basis of your resignation and probably of many others in the past.

Making this statement is an act of goodness that will force the internal management to rethink their security planning for their staff. For instance in a local hospital Emergency Department, I saw a sign that said that the Emergency Room was a non-violence zone and there was zero tolerance for aggressive acts. A customer care line could have similar designation that the customer service officers must be treated with respect, anything less would not be tolerated. After all, aggression is only a behavioural habit, just like cleaning teeth every day, the aggressors can easily change such habits once they realise that they do not work and they get cut off from the service that they want.